Like lots of Americans, I like to dream about insane wealth. Wealth beyond measure. Beyond my craziest dreams.
Well, dreams could come true tonight when the estimated $1.5 Billion Powerball Lottery is pulled. I have an awesome chance of winning (something like 1:260,000,000). So…..when I do win, let’s imagine that I take the cash option – which will net me roughly $850 million prior to paying taxes. Subtract about 40% for taxes, and that will leave me in the ballpark range of $510 million.
And let’s assume that I want to spend ALL of that money on triathlon related things. What could I buy?
Of course, I’d want to have everything that I could possibly need to be successful at triathlon, so I’d want to be able to train year-round, in comfort, and have the best-of-the-best.
All good super-rich triathletes need good training locations. I figure I’ll buy several.
Boulder, CO. They say that Colorado is prime training ground for triathletes. Plus it offers training at altitude. So, I need a place there. I think I should buy this nice, small 20,000 square foot house with 7 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms. Plus, it’s a bargain at just $7.5 mil.
Whitefish, MT. I love big mountains, and I want to be like Hillary Biscay – so I’ll spend some time living and training in Montana. Plus, this little bungalow is close to Glacier National Park – one of the prettiest places on the planet. It’s s quaint cottage at 12,000 square feet and 7 bedrooms – for the cheap price of just $8.75 mil.
Siesta Key, FL. As much as I love the mountains, Mrs TriMadness loves the beach. And why not have a house at the best beach in the USA? We’ll pick up this nice beach cottage on the southwestern Gulf-side of Florida, south of Tampa, and I’ll only drop about $8 million.
On The Road. As a super-rich triathlete, I’ll be racing a lot (because I won’t have anything else to do). I’ll need to have some way to get to and from my races. Depending upon where in the world I’ll be racing, I’ll take one of a couple forms of transportation:
Airbus ACJ319. I’ll likely need to fly some – like to Europe or Australia or somewhere. To do that, I’ll hitch a ride in my $80 million private plane.
RV: Featherlite Vantare Platinum Plus ($2.5 million). This is not quite the most expensive RV out there, but it’ll do for me. It has Swarovski Crystals all over it, can sleep me and 8 friends, and I can drive it anywhere I need to.
So – now I have a place to live and ways to get around to all my races, and I’ve only spent about $107 million.
Bike: Naturally, I’ll need a new rig to ride on in my races. Perhaps I’ll get the Felt IA FRD bike. Comes complete with Shimano Dura Ace Di2 components, some sleek aero wheels, a power meter, and much more. Plus it’s only $15,000. I’ll buy one for each day of the year (’cause you never want to ride your tri bike again after you pee on it). Total cost: $5.4 million.
Wetsuit: Same concept as with the bike. Once I “warm up” the suit just once, I’ll never want to wear it again. So I’ll get 365. I already have a TYR Hurricane Cat 5 wetsuit, and I like it – so I’ll get the next version up….the TYR Freak of Nature. And at $1200 each, I’ll only have to spend $0.5 million.
Extra Wheels: It’s probably a safe thing for me to have extra wheels on hand just in case I trash a set or so each day. I’m not set on any particular brand of wheels – but let’s figure the top of the line set runs about $2500 each. I’ll buy 500 sets of wheels and spend about $1.25 million.
Other race gear, Swag, Clothing: I’m going to race A LOT. In fact, I’ll race so much that I’ll make the Iron Cowboy look like a chump. And like all good triathletes, I’ll only wear race gear and tri-specific clothes. I better set aside $1.5 million to cover all of this stuff
Race Nutrition: I’ll need to eat when I’m training. I’m partial to Powerbar products, so maybe I should just buy the company. Nestle bought Powerbar for about $200 million a year or so ago. Maybe I could buy Powerbar from Nestle. Or maybe I could buy Picky Bars from Jesse Thomas. Let’s do that. I could probably get that for $10 million or so.
Races: As I said above, I will be racing a lot. And who wants to pay all those pesky race entry fees? I’m going to just buy some races. WTC recently sold out for $650 million – that’s more than I’d want to pay for races. Maybe I could buy a bunch of other race series (maybe all the independent triathlons in the country). Let’s earmark $200 million for that.
Coaches, Nutritionists, Chefs, Massage Therapists, etc. I’ll need a stable of support people to help me get ready to do all this racing. I should hire the best of the best. Michael Phelps can be my swim coach. I’ll also have Andy Potts on retainer (because he’s an awesome open water swimmer). Meb Keflezighi will be my running coach. Maybe I’ll hire Jan Frodeno to be my bike coach. Great people, but in reality people are cheap. All of these folks should be attainable for $5 million per year (total).
Hmmmmm. I’ve only spent about $330 million dollars. What’s left to get? What do you think? Any suggestions?
I’ve got cash to spend….