Let’s face it. You’re weird.
Um…yes, that is a bizarre way to start a blog post. The good news is that I’m weird too. No, I’m not talking about fetishes or a proclivity to enjoy random science fiction novels (of course, if you’re into those things, that’s certainly OK). I’m not even referring to your secret Dungeons & Dragons habit.
Well, what the heck am I talking about then? Isn’t it obvious? It’s triathlon. See, to 90.2% of the remaining human population (yes, that is a scientific wild a$$ guess) we who swimbikerun are just a little weird. I mean, who in their rational, sane, normal mind would want to combine three perfectly normal sports into one?
Adding to our weirdness are some of our habits. Our way of life. Our attitude. Our atmosphere. I’ve captured a few of our oddities below. It’s not an all-encompassing list. What do you think? What did I miss from the triathlon weirdness list?
We obsess about aero: Aero bikes. Aero wheels. Aero bottles. Aero helmets. Wind cheating fabrics. Hydrophobic clothing to swim in. Collectively, we all are so obsessed with reducing the drag that we experience on both the bike and the swim. We spend millions of dollars annually to support the theory that if we can shave off seconds on a swim or bike via technology, we’ll be better off for it. I can’t think of any other sport where participants go so hog-wild as triathletes do. Well. Maybe golfers, but there’s an argument that golf isn’t even a sport. And the real kicker? All the aero products on the market are good, and they arguably do help us get faster, but it is possible to be faster without dropping $3000 for wheels and another $500 on a helmet. Train more. Drop a few pounds. But alas, why should we do either of those things when we can just go out and buy speed?
Guys shaving: I suspect that the vast majority of us are not hipsters. Nor are we classified as metrosexuals. But look around at any triathlon, and you’ll find that dudes with Chewbacca styling on their legs are few and far between. In fact, if you look closely, you might find a bunch of guys that shave their arms too. And not just the folks who grace the top of the podium. I can tell you first hand that the average guy on the street looks at us who shave as if we had our heads on backwards. How do I know? Because I endured endless tormenting from friends when I shaved. And not just from my friends. My kids thought I was a freak too. And my wife wouldn’t come near me. She said that either my legs felt like a chick’s or they felt like stubbly sand paper.
Peeing on the Bike: Enough said. In what other sport is public urination acceptable? Beer Pong? Pole vault? Surfing? The act of peeing on a bike is one that is bantered about quite often on discussion boards. People talk about how big an accomplishment this is. They gloat when they are able to do it. While I understand why folks do this, this is not something I can bring myself to do. Really…how much time do you save versus stopping and hitting the loo? Besides, the interior of a port-a-potty is a super fine place to spend a few minutes on a 90+ degree, sun-drenched day. And you don’t have to wash your bike down following the race.
We wear Lycra: Again, the vast majority of folks in the world look at triathletes and our love of lycra and just shake their head. I mean….what normal people wear body-hugging garments all the time? OK, besides porn-stars and clubbers? Forgetting how good lycra makes pace booty look, our clothing certainly gives us benefits (see the Aero topic above). It feels good, is uber-stylish, and is easy to care for. That’s the clothing trifecta, isn’t it?
Vitamix: It’s a blender. A high priced one. If you’ve trolled the web or Twitter this year, you’ve seen that lots of triathletes are using one. What better tool to make your kale-blueberry-pomegranate-banana smoothie?
Yep. We’re weird. You. Me. Every other triathlete on the planet. It’s not such a bad thing in my mind.